Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML
Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn’t come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We’ve moved twice since then. FML
Today, I confided to my dad that my girlfriend had dumped me for another guy. He said “good” and explained that given how overpopulated the planet is, he’s actually disappointed that I’m not gay. His advice was: “just wank it off and move on”. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me because he is moving. He’s only moving 20 minutes away. FML
Today, I called my girlfriend saying “I think we need to break up.” She said “No, I don’t think so,” and hung up. FML
Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women’s group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting’s agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML
Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I’d been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML
